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Joke of the Day

"Premature Ejaculators Anonymous, Wednesday at 5:30AM I'd be there, but there's no way I'd come that early."

"What do you call a short mexican? A paragraph, hes not a full essay yet."

"Just accidentally opened iTunes so now I can't use my computer for the next hour or so"

"This woman at Target does not seem at all appreciative that I just found a lump on her breast."

"So my brother tried the old saw about calculus and alcohol not mixing... i.e., don't drink and derive. I said, ""It's true. I tried it and destroyed a bridge."""

"There are few problems in life that can't be sorted by slowing down, taking a deep breath, and THEN drawing winged eyeliner on a raccoon."

"What do you call a well-rounded porn star? A jack-off all trades."

"I repaired my drums after my son broke it... Now he has to deal with the repercussions."

"What do you call a row of boxers? A punchline."

"I'm so petty People call me Tom"