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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when people try to use big words when they clearly don't know their meaning. It makes them sound so gelatinous and isosceles."

"What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk."

"Guy comes home from work and catches his mate shagging his wife so he stabs him to death. His missus says, ""fucking carry on like that, you wont have any mates left""."

"TIFU by Posting in the Wrong Subreddit Twice"

"Foreplay in an elevator... Taking going down, to a whole new level I'm bad i know..."

"If I had known ""cuties"" were little oranges when my wife asked me to ""bring a few home,"" I could have avoided these awkward introductions."

"What did the hammer announce over the intercom to the evacuating screws screaming for help? ""This is not a drill!"""

"How to make friends with girls... Ask them to be your girlfriend."

"I always make sure to buy high quality toilet paper... If you get the cheap stuff, you'll pay for it in the end."

"I have Restless Life Syndrome."