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Joke of the Day

"[doctors exam] ""I'm feeling a lump here. Here's another. You have several lumps."" -uh oh, what does that mean doc? ""it means you're fat"""

"Did you hear about that actress that stabbed herself? Reese something? No it was with her knife"

"I told my boyfriend that I felt like I had been forgetting a lot of things lately. He said, ""because I've been fucking your brains out."" I've never laughed so hard."

"My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting ""LOL"" on relationship statuses on Facebook."

"Mexico replaced America as the world's fattest country because we sent them all home."

"Whats red, 10 inches long, and makes your girlfriend cry when you put it in her mouth? her miscarriage"

"What is black and white and red and brown and silver and can't turn around in an elevator? A nun with a harpoon through her head."

"It should be called stay your crazy ass home Friday..."

"Why do they make Raisin Bran commercials? For raisin bran awareness."

"*goes down on one knee* One Knee: I have a girlfriend"