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Joke of the Day

"I knew I could convince my wife to get an Abortion... All she needed was a shove in the right direction... and a set of stairs."

"What do women in the Middle East and Millennials have in common? If they go to college, they'll probably get stoned."

"Bones - joke Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body? Larry: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!"

"""MAYBE IT'S THE TRANSMISSION!"" I scream helpfully when I drive past anyone who's car is broken down on the side of the road..."

"Boss: You can't drink while you're working! Me: Oh, I'm not working."

"I try to conduct myself as a perfect gentleman whenever I meet a lady. Chicks dig that."

"[prison riot] *standing over my origami ducks* ""GO AROUND! GO AROUND!"""

"I always carry a jar gripper with me in case I'm ever stranded on a deserted island with a jar of salsa. I also always carry a jar of salsa."

"*full moon emerges from behimd clouds* nno--nonono it cant be...RUN. FAR AWAY FROM ME. NOW. IM A-- IM A-- *turns into bungalow* IM A WAREHOUSE"

"I asked a librarian About some books about Pavlov's dogs and Schroedinger's cat. She said it rings a bell, but doesn't know if it's here or not."