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Joke of the Day

"When I see someone's name trending on twitter, I used to be afraid they died. Now I'm afraid they're a Republican presidential candidate."

"I always use 09/11 as my pass code... ... so I'll ""never forget."""

"What do men who receive compressed porn files do when they are alone? They unzip."

"I'm one boob, you're the other boob and together...we're Breast friends."

"Takes a second to understand. The more suicidal people, the less suicidal people."

"Why is Saturn like your balls?? Because it is in between jupeter an your anus."

"Did you hear about the prize-winning author that got a chicken in the mail? It was a pullet surprise!"

"""I SHOULD HAVE KILLED YOU WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE,"" I scream, as a sudden gust of wind blows the spider I threw outside onto my face."

"Maybe if we start telling people the brain is an app they will start using it."

"I sent my wife a card that said, ""I DON'T LIKE ANY OF THE BABIES YOU'VE MADE."""