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Joke of the Day

"My Jewish friend always had such a positive outlook on life, even as he suffered from such horrible constipation. As he'd always say, ... This two shall pass."

"Why is an executioner a terrible high-fiver? He always leaves you hanging"

"Did you hear about the redditor who had a girlfriend?"

"Sometimes Jesus appears on toast, sometimes pancakes, sometimes waffles. Always on breakfast food. Why? It's the most important meal."

"All that voted for Brexit should be jailed for pedophilia... Because they want to fuck an entire generation of kids."

"Found a wooden shoe in my toilet it was clogged saw on last comic standing"

"Does everyone get take 'by mouth' printed on their pills or did the pharmacist look me over and think hmm...this guy might go the other way?"

"I will show you a picture on my phone, but if you swipe right or left, I will break your finger."

"Why don't blind people sky-dive? (from ""Money Train"") Because it scares the shit out of their dogs."

"[two australians playing chess in a restaurant] check, mate *everyone explodes*"