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Joke of the Day

"I saw a unicorn today. Okay fine, I saw a girl who ate her food without Instagramming it first. Same thing."

"I hope you brought the divorce papers... Cuz your legs are about to be separated."

"if God exists it's probably a woman no man holds a grudge for this long"

"What's the difference between a feminist and an illegal immigrant? The illegal immigrant knows how to cook."

"What do you call a black brick with three holes in it? A polish bowling ball."

"Me: can i play music Funeral director: that's not appropriate Me: nana would've wanted it Director: ok CD player: someBODY once told me"

"Why do North Americans hate playing chess? Cause they lack the towers."

"""This does not bode well."" - a guy at the returns desk, explaining why he's returning a boder."

"What do you say to pasta that gets thrown out? Hasta la pasta baby."

"Why are a lot of Italians named Tony? Because as they got on the boat to leave Italy, they were stamped on the head, ""TO NY""."