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Joke of the Day

"So I bought a fragrant candle the other day, but when I lit it nothing happened... It just didn't make scents."

"A lady centipede crosses her legs..... .....""For the one hundredth time, NO!"""

"I once dated a girl who told me she had had sex with Mr. Peanut. She was fucking nuts."

"My friend told me I didn't ""understand"" irony. But then he got a flat tire. Oh, the sweet irony."

"Momma always told me that women are like chocolates... The ones with the cherries are better."

"What do all Amish women want? 2 Mennonite."

"ActivityBuddy A new app is sweeping the AppStore, using GPS technology similar to Grindr/ Tinder, ActivityBuddy matches up people who enjoy the same activity. The #1 activity? Anonymous gay sex."

"They're predicting record highs for Wednesday. In other news the weather will be hotter than usual."

"The only nation I will ever rule is.... Procrastination."

"With so many unhappy married couples and a 50% divorce rate, I think it's pretty obvious that Americans don't breed well in captivity."