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Joke of the Day

"in 2001 i was in a coma dying from meningitis and someone played ""in the end"" by linkin park and i woke up to tell them to turn it off"

"I read a book called 'The Anti-Climax' The first part of it was great, but...."

"""No, there's no way!"" I totally could ""No you couldn't!"" *slams the rest of his beer* I can and I will -the first guy to ride an ostrich"

"The recipe said to crush the garlic So I told it, ""You'll never amount to anything!"""

"Melania Trump doesn't want to live in the same place as her husband. More than half of America feels the same way."

"Some women are never satisfied. Last night i gave my girlfriend the biggest orgasm of her life. What did she do, spit it out."

"What do you call a principal who gives good blow jobs? A headmaster."

"Say ""Rise Up Lights"" out loud You just said ""Razor Blades"" in an Australian accent"

"If gravity were a person... He'd be pretty down to earth."

"Dinner: I BIT THE INSIDE OF MY MOUTH! IT WILL NEVER HEAL! NOTHING WILL EVER BE RIGHT AGAIN! Next morning: Oh, OK."