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Joke of the Day

"I was feeling a bit down today... So I breathed some helium. It picked me right up!"

"What does Shakespeare say when he is angry with his dog? Out, out, damned Spot!"

"Why did the scarecrow receive an award? It was outstanding in his field."

"In German, the imperative is formed by opening your mouth and speaking German."

"Taking the Drivers test made me realize I wanted to be a race car driver..... ......the instructor was surprised at how fast I was driving."

"Nowhere is it more evident That the middle finger IS a suitable mode of communication Than when driving to work"

"It's kill or be killed. Or eat a sandwich. Maybe go for a light jog. Draw a picture of a duck. There are a lot of options out there."

"Why cant billy ride the swings? he has no arms. knock knock. Whos there? Not billy"

"man I hate tailgaters I was doing 35 over the limit today and the idiot behind me was still tailgating and the flashing lights on his car looked stupid too"

"I think my gran has Alzheimer's. She called me Dave earlier when my name is Carson. Either that or she's thinking of someone else while we're having sex."