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Joke of the Day

"Why is Princess Peach named after a fruit and Princess Daisy named after a flower? Because wanting to sound good is their OBJECTion"

"What do you say to a woman with no arms or legs? Nice tits!"

"You're the Thelma to my Louise. The Ben to my Jerry. The Kanye to my Kanye."

"90% of your body is water. 6% is delusion. 4% is lies."

"A lot of attractive people are like nice cars with the check engine light on."

"I name photos of me stroking animals in files called ""Fireworks and big dogs.jpg"" so my cats won't find them on my computer."

"What's DJ Khalid's favorite number? 11, because it has another one."

"Do not judge a book by its cover, unless there's a Swastika on the cover"

"I had to steal this one... The best thing about 9/11 was my house climbed 2 spots in the world's tallest building ranks."

"I've just been diagnosed with paranoia and constipation. I'm scared shitless."