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Joke of the Day

"My psychiatrist said I have a narcissistic personality I don't know what that means, but must be pretty good if I've got it."

"I'm pretty sober. But I'm prettier drunk."

"Have you seen the new Stephen Hawking's movie? They say it's too good you won't be able to move from your seat the entire film."

"What's the difference between a kinky guy and a pervert? ""The kinky guy uses the feather but the pervert uses the whole chicken"" As told to me by the old guy who sat next to me on the plane"

"When I win the lottery I'm getting a pool boy, maybe I'll even get a pool."

"Europeans use euros shouldn't Africans use afros?"

"If you're a vegan w a gluten allergy who doesn't own a TV do you put it on a business card or just wait to force it into every conversation?"

"*steals machine parts all year* *gets coal for xmas* ""Santa you idiot, the parts were for a pressure chamber"" *turns coal into diamond*"

"A priest, a rabbi and a shaman walk into a bar The bartender says ""What is this, some kind of joke?"""

"Today I opened the door to the supply room and four Japanese guys jumped out and yelled ""supplies!"""