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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cash in your memes for karma? A dank statement."

"I've finally figured out why I can't lose this extra weight. The shampoo I use in shower that runs down my body says, ""4 extra volume & body"

"In alcohol's defense, i've done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too."

"What do you call a nose with no body? Nobody knows."

"Sometimes when people text me ""K"", I like to text them ""L- omg you next!!"""

"Comcast opens an airline. The airplane only goes full speed to certain, partner airports and if the airplane flies further than expected, you're charged per mile."

"""Its a boy"", he shouted. ""It's a BOY! I still can't believe it! Tears rolling down his eyes, swearing never to come back to Thailand again."

"I'm glad we finally have a strong leader I mean Putin has how many years of experience? The states are in good Russian hands."

"""Dad why was I called Holly?"" cos u were born at a special time of year ""And me dad?"" yes Summer and u too ""And me too dad?"" yes Easter-Egg"

"Got Christmas card glitter all over me and now I can't stop stripping."