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Joke of the Day

"I'm gonna start my own TV network called RealityTV(RTV) and play nothing but music videos"

"When she moans ""deeper"", but... you've run out of government secrets."

"The only lyrics I can make out in the song ""Informer"" are ""Hey farrrrmer...something....a leaky boom boom cow"". Not 100% sure though."

"I popped my dad's viagra now I'm hard as a motherfucker"

"Went to an astrologer and found out why my wife and I aren't compatible. I'm a Capricorn and she's a fucking BITCH!"

"A monkey was arrested today when he started throwing flaming feces at zoo employees. Three of the zoo employees were rushed to the hospital with turd debris burns."

"This could just be the coffee talking but AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *lights car on fire*"

"My thesis just came back with ""Appendix?"" scrawled on it. Seems a little forward but I thought: sure, why not?."

"I heard there's a machine that can make cocaine in less than 4 milliseconds! I believe it's called the Instagram."

"Past, Present, and Future walk into a bar. It was tense."