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Joke of the Day

"They should call Jupiter JEWpiter Because its a gas planet."

"I'm glad Canada won. Beating them in hockey would like telling Yo-Yo Ma that the cello sucks. He's a nice dude, let him be into the cello."

"Due to the prostitute's arm injury, she can do no more than 5 handjobs a night. Damn handie-cap!"

"Just donated blood. I hope whoever gets it likes wine."

"Pickup line: ""Hey girl, is your dad in jail?"" Because if I were him, I would be."

"My girlfriend might not be the sharpest girl around. I accidentally left my phone at her house last night. I went back over to get it and saw she had texted me 5 times telling me I forgot it."

"THERAPIST: you're running from something. what do u think it might be? [goose outside the window does throat-slitting motion] ME: uhfailure"

"What is a sorcerer's least favorite disease? A staff infection"

"It's okay to smoke weed in the rain, but don't in hail"

"What's the key to a great Thanksgiving? Turkey"