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Joke of the Day

"Due to the prostitute's arm injury, she can do no more than 5 handjobs a night. Damn handie-cap!"

"What kind of pants does mario wear? DENIM DENIM DENIM"

"Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy? Because he was too far out, man."

"Waiter waiter this lobster's only got one claw. It must have been in a fight sir. Then bring me the winner."

"At Toys R Us: TRU: Yessir? Me: I want a light saber. TRU: We have basic to advanced, how old is your grandson? Me: 40ish"

"I can hear two bug swatters having a huge argument nearby. I'd give anything to not be a fly on the wall."

"Two fish are in a tank... One turns to the other and asks: ""do *you* know how to drive this thing?"""

"A girl and a csgo map Baby, if you were a CS:GO map you would be de_stroyed."

"The only thing worse than the one that got away is the one that won't go away"

"You know how you can tell a Black Bear from a Grizzly? Black Bears smoke Newports."