62013

Joke of the Day

"Dealer: Anyone follow you dude? Me: just my cat *dealer opens trench coat & my mom jumps out* Mom: why are you using drugs???"

"Fucking irony. My girlfriend of 2.5 years wants a threesome, but doesn't want to share me with other girl..... Update, she would consider if she was witn me and some unknown girl."

"Why is James Bond's favourite bartender played by Michael J Fox? He doesn't need to tell him to shake the martini."

"Every time the sun goes down, I get attacked by a horse. What a night mare."

"What do you call a three humped camel? Pregnant. (Credit goes to the trailer of Zootopia)"

"a seemingly perfect utopia immediatley becoms a dystopia when u find out evryone refers to eachother by watever their first email adress was"

"My favorite thing about babies is that none of them are mine."

"I told my girlfriend that we should play trains... All she'd have to do is sit on my face. Then ill ""Chew chew"". // not my joke //"

"You know what they say about living on Navy ships? It has its ups and downs."

"I can't watch porn with a storyline cause I get too invested and end up worrying about the delivery man losing his job for taking so long :("