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Joke of the Day

"I like to ask the waiter, ""What do you recommend?"" then stare at him angrily while I order something completely different."

"[Barnes and Noble] CASHIER: anything else? ME: four barns and your finest noble please CASHIER: get out"

"Why do so few people become botanists? Because of the stigma."

"Why did the stop sign get an STD? Because it had a 4-way."

"[Couples counseling] ""It's not good to keep these things bottles up, you know"" Okay, fine *opens jar of wasps*"

"I dont care about all the ISIS jokes They all blow up."

"A buddhist monk goes to a hot dog stand ""What will it be for you, my friend?"" - the vendor asks. ""Make me one with everything"""

"Measurements in China. How long is a China man?"

"A girl compliments a guy on his new phone. Girl: 'Nice phone!' Guy: ' Thanks! I won it in a race.' Girl: ' Who were the participants?' Guy: ' The owner, the cop and me. '"

"What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew a lightbulb."