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Joke of the Day

"Not to brag, but I can usually tell if meat has spoiled between 4-6 hours after eating it."

"I love my dog. He's a real son-of-a-bitch."

"Where did Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies!"

"What do you get when you add 2 apples to 3 apples? A senior high school math problem."

"My girlfriend started smoking... My girlfriend started smoking last night, so I slowed down and applied lubricant."

"What did the ninja do when he failed to kill his target? He sai'd"

"The airport lady at passport control saw I was American & warned me there were no McDonald's past security. I feel very profiled & grateful."

"What does it mean if you look down and see four balls instead of two? Careful, you might be getting screwed."

"Dumb one-liner of the day: I imagine veterinarians who treat ducks put up with a lot of undeserved grief."

"If I'm ever arrested, I would use my one phone call for pizza."