60545

Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference? Whats the difference between mash potatoes and pea soup?... Anyone can mash potatoes..."

"In an alternate universe, the President... is given an attache and told not to press the button inside beyond the most dire circumstances. Instructions nuclear."

"What does a neckbeard say when make him laugh? You made m'laugh."

"And the Lord said unto John, ""Come forth and you will have eternal life"" But John came in fifth and won a toaster."

"Helicopter crash A helicopter crashed today over a cemetery on the outskirts of the city. So far the authorities have recovered over 200 bodies."

"I think global warming is real because you hardly see The Penguin on episodes of Batman anymore"

"'You look fat' is both an ice-breaker and a bone-breaker"

"With four days left until the end of the world... I should really try to get better at subtraction."

"Whats better than roses on a piano? tulips on an organ..."

"A first kiss so tentative and awkward, you regret all the time you spent practicing on your beagle. Did I just say that out loud?"