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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I scratch my balls and then smell my fingers. It's not a big deal really"

"WIFE: You promised not to spend the lottery winnings on something stupid ME: *climbing off my new elephant* He has a name, Karen"

"My neighbors have both a howling dog and a screaming baby out in their yard. I'd throw a rock or something but I'm afraid I'd hit the dog."

"Spoof Caller ID Call from a different number. Disguise your caller id, it's easy and works on any phone!"

"Hummingbirds I finally found out why hummingbirds hum They don't know the lyrics."

"4pm Me: How was school today? Kid: ... 6pm Me: Do anything fun today? Kid: ... Bedtime Me: Goodnight! Kid: Guess what happened at school?"

"What is a cat's favorite tropical destination? Meowi"

"Hot Air Balloons are like Marijuana... The more you blaze it, the higher you become."

"what do you call an effeminate dwarf? A metro-gnome...."

"Auto-correct is so crazy now a days... My mom meant to text me 'I love you' but it auto corrected to 'You're a disappointment.'"