60418

Joke of the Day

"There's nothing scarier than a squirrel who's not afraid of you."

"Mainstream Media: Obama signs repeal of DADT. Fox News: Foreigner masquerading as President admits he's gay."

"What are you doing on Valentines Day? I'm getting my hands massaged."

"Where do religious cattle go to eat? Out to pastor."

"My 8 told me he likes Skillrex because it sounds like what Transformers would sound like if they quit saving the world and formed a band."

"So, my masturbation classes are not going to well I'm afraid... ...yesterday, nobody came."

"I like my wine like my women 11 years old and locked up in my cellar"

"I was cleaning one of my garden statues and accidentally cracked part of its face I guess you could say I don't gnome eye own strength"

"I just got back from the doctors.. And he said I should stop masturbating. I asked ""why?"" and he said ""because I'm trying to examine you""."

"[grocery shopping] ""Actually it should be 15 items or FEWER"" I'll fix that sir [grabs mic] CUSTOMER NEEDS HELP FINDING EXTRA SMALL CONDOMS"