6041

Joke of the Day

"I tried to go into a restaurant playing Pokemon go. I couldn't get in though. The servers were too busy."

"My ten year old made me pay him $10 to do the dishes, so I mugged him on his way to the bathroom because, you know, life lesson."

"A hooker and a priest walk into a spaceship... It lasts for 1 season and a movie and everyone throws a fit when it won't come back."

"Isn't it time we stopped celebrating Columbus day? Peter Falk died in 2011."

"Her: OMG! The holidays aren't an excuse to stuff your face with whatever edible that crosses your path. Me: I eat like this everyday."

"I was the kid your mom made you invite to your birthday party who then started crying and had to be picked up early."

"Did you hear about the cheese truck that crashed? The street was littered with de brie"

"Why did the priest smoke weed in the cemetery? He wanted to keep his spirits high."

"They say sex burns as many calories as running 5 miles.... WHO THE HELL RUNS 5 MILES IN 30 SECONDS !!!"

"[doing an identification at the coroner's office] It's not her; my wife has a head."