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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't the mason jar need a paternity test? Because the resemblance was uncanny."

"I love how women always smell good, and can complete you, and are sometimes wrapped in tinfoil. Wait, that's a burrito. I love burritos."

"It's Christmas Eve, not Christmas and Steve. Get out of here Steve."

"Screenwriters, you know that script you're working on that's a mix between 2 brilliant films? Well it isn't and I'd like a grande soy latte."

"An American's ""inside voice"" is the rest of the world's ""outside voice""."

"The Violin Ensemble playing in Carnegie Hall somehow got an R-18 rating... The censors say it contains explicit scenes of violins encore."

"Sometimes you have to forget what you want & remember what you deserve."

"If a tree fell on keemstar in the woods Would anyone care."

"If you've ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you've seen me wrapping Christmas presents."

"A man walked into a library and asked for a book on suicide. The librarian said, ""Jack off mate, you won't bring it back!""."