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Joke of the Day

"I woke up, after a drunken night, with two tattoos on my dick, but one of them was done in regular pen ink. So I rubbed one out."

"Why is Stephen Hawking successful? He can't run away from his responsibilities."

"Receptionist: ""That lady in the waiting room is picking her nose."" Plastic Surgeon: ""Good! That'll save me some time. Send her right in."""

"If I wrote an autobiography I bet it wouldn't sell Story of my life.."

"Got caught stealing a utensil set earlier... I was a whisker away."

"What does a spanish programmer program in? Si++"

"What do you call a guy who screams, ""I love you, mom!"" every time he climaxes? Me."

"The England Football team..... visited a Brazilian orphanage this morning. 'It's heartbreak to see their sad little faces with no hope' said Jose, age 6."

"That's definitely not my ringtone, but I'm going to have to check my phone anyway."

"Why has the Malaysian Government banned Cheese Boards? Because people keep reporting they've found de brie."