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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes you need a little distance to see things clearly, but other times it is obviously a bear and you should probably just run"

"Me: Off to adult school recess! Boss: it's called lunch.. Me: *runs by dribbling basketball with two hands"

"I'm eating for two That's why I look like I'm pregnant"

"What does Snoop Dogg use to wash his clothes? bleotch!!"

"A man drowned this morning eating a bowl of muesli. A strong current pulled him under."

"I'm just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner"

"If at first you don't succeed, then maybe you should do it the way I told you to the first time."

"Steps on how to survive being stranded on a dessert island. 1) Check spelling. 2) If correct, enjoy."

"Laugh while you can, 2016... ...you're next."

"My girlfriend asked me to get her a cold drink. Apparently cough syrup wasn't what she was after."