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Joke of the Day

"What is a snakes favourite opera ? Wriggletto !"

"No matter how much you push the envelope... ...it's still stationery."

"What should you say to a pig on roller skates? Don't say anything. Just get out of the way."

"""did you hear the one about the grizzly who-"" dude stop ""it's just a joke man"" i know it's stupid but- *points to my date* bear with me"

"Self-deprecating humour is the lowest form of entertainment. And I can't even get *that* right."

"I hate it when you tell someone that you'll always be there for them and then they call you to help move"

"Him: You were supposed to do something about the groundhog under the deck. Me: I did. I named him Lord Melbourne. He likes Cocoa Puffs."

"Ever been in the shower, already late, when you feel that colorectal peristaltic action and think ""Damnit, I don't have time for this shit!"""

"I used to be a gynecologist... But after I started shaking, they wouldn't stop following me home."

"When I was 8 yrs old, I walked to school by myself; now you have to hold your kid's hand right up to their first drug deal."