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Joke of the Day

"Unfortunately, but sometimes a woman can't find herself a man. She doesn't like the drunken ones, and the sober ones doesn't like her."

"I told my girlfriend to give me the worst handjob ever. I was surprised she could pull it off."

"After writing Revelations, John ask God... ""Lord, the end will be signaled by trumpets?"" ""*No, by Trump/Pence.*"" ""Right, so trumpets."" ""*Fuck it, they'll figure it out.*"""

"So a depressed horse walks into a bar.. Bartender says, ""Why the long face?"""

"Why did the policeman wake up his son? He saw a *kid napping*."

"What do you call it when Kony drinks too much? Cognac"

"Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?"

"Me: [walks up to boss] *SLAP* Boss: WTH?! Me: It's Natl Bully Month Boss: No, it's Natl Bully PREVENTION Month! Me: well this is awkward"

"I hate when I think there's an open parking space and then I have to run over a motorcycle."

"Want to hear a good physics pun? It's relatively funny."