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Joke of the Day
"It's so cold outside... I just saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!"
Next Joke
"The upstairs neighbors were making a lot of noise one night and my wife says she's going to go get the broom. To which I reply ""Are you going to fly up there and complain?"""
"My girlfriend is like -100. She's a 10 but she is also imaginary"
"What do you call a vampire that can lift up cars ? Jack-u-la !"
"I bet when something really awesome happens to a dung beetle they say ""Oh, shit!"""
"You know when you find the BEST hiding place ever to keep something safe and it's so good you forget where it was? That's me and passwords."
"People like it when girls shake their boobs and butts in public, but when I spin my penis in a circle, people call me a ""Sex offender"" and tell me ""Don't do that in public parks."""
"Birds do it, bees do it. Even educated fleas do it. Let's do it, let's fly headfirst into a plate glass window."
"Pro Tip: On 20th wedding anniversary, giving wife a book called ""The Many Benefits of Kegels"". Is not a great idea. I know this now."
"When I fix someone's computer and they say ""Wow how'd you do that?"" I tell them I'm a wizard then throw glitter in their face."