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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a couple of ones and zeros orbiting around each other? Binary stars."
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"""Boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses"" -I remind myself as I flirt with the fire extinguisher I've mistaken for a cute guy"
"The worst thing about being bitten by a poisonous spider is... You're probably Australian"
"Gay guys don't listen to girls talk either, but we do have the good sense to say ""I know, right?!"" while we wait for our turn to talk."
"Why were 80% of Chicago police dash cams broken? Because you need to warm up before you kill a nigga."
"*takes out one earbud* ""not guilty, your honor"""
"Why was the testicle always in a bad mood? Because his brother is a nut and his two closest friends are a dick and an asshole."
"Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he's walking around like a sour puss."
"How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends on how hard you throw them"
"'sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.' what, am i supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?"