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Joke of the Day

"If an elephant is the symbol of the Republican Party and a donkey is the symbol of the Democratic Party what is a pig the symbol of? Any party where there's lots of food."

"The man on TV said if you drink alcohol every day, you're probably an alcoholic. Phew! I only drink every night."

"If you can't love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot."

"Yesterday I taught my boss to play Angry Birds. Today, she ""couldn't make it in to work."" This is called managing upwards, people."

"What do tight pants and a cheap hotel have in common? No ballroom."

"[hanging out w mob] ""Tony sleeps with the fishes"" *they all laugh* [self conscious about my sexual habits w fish]: its not a big deal guys"

"Donald Trump has a new slogan that he hopes will help his numbers with African American voters. ""Orange Is The New Black."""

"You think Minnie Mouse ever got drunk & decided to bang Goofy after a Disney mixer? -Was the last time my boss asked me for my thoughts"

"Thank you, social media, for sometimes filling the emptiness you've created in our lives."

"How does one know a man is going to say something smart?..His senentences start with ""A woman once told me.."""