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Joke of the Day

"Scaring the postman I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked. I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I know where he lives."

"Why do meth addicts prefer to do it doggy style? So they can both look out the window."

"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils."

"I like my women like I like my coffee, Quiet."

"If I ever see my wife asleep with her mouth wide open, I seize the opportunity. First I unzip my pants, then I pull out my penis... And then I have sex with her sister."

"He'd come off way less pretentious if he went by Daniel ""Dave"" Lewis."

"The United Nations is like a black father You know it exists but it's just never there when you need it ."

"If you marry someone a few years older, one thing they love is when any classic rock song comes on and you ask ""Is this Led Zeppelin?"""

"Noah's Ark was so unrealistic. Have you ever tried to pen up velociraptors? Did the guy who wrote the Bible even watch Jurassic Park first?"

"How many dead hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Cause it's definitely not 4. My basement is still dark & I'm running out of room."