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Joke of the Day

"girl you're like the water in flint, michigan you quench my thirst but i know you'll slowly kill me"

"At last I've managed to find my girlfriend's G-spot! Who would have thought her sister had it all the time?"

"Trump gets elected president.. On inauguration day, he swears in as President. Before delivering his inauguration speech, he turns to Obama and says ""President Obama, You're Fired"""

"I sent my kids to public school because I didn't want them to be spoiled. Turns out I didn't want them to be educated either."

"Cop: Tell me again why you pulled out scissors and gave her bangs. Me: She was flirting with a hot dad that I had my eye on."

"What did the DJ say to the jazz musician? Take me to the airport."

"What do you find in a church's bathroom? Holy shit."

"What is E.T. short for? It has little legs."

"I have three kids, one of each."

"Yo mama's so fat... That she was dropped on Hiroshima."