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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a baby born in a whorehouse? A brothel sprout"

"Why did Russia lose the race? Because it was Stalin! edit: Sorry! Communist jokes aren't funny unless every gets them."

"It's 364 days until Christmas And people already have their lights up!"

"What idiot called it blood spatter instead of axe body spray"

"Your girlfriend isn't hallucinating man, she's actually seeing other people."

"Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn't know you did that for fun."

"A man goes to his doctor and says; Doc I think I'm addicted to twitter. Doc: Sorry, I don't follow you"

"The Road Runner is a pretentious, cocky fucking asshole and deserves to be eaten. Beep beep that shit, motherfucker."

"The other day my friend threw up grapes.... And wouldn't stop wine-ing about it"

"[donating blood] ""You're looking a little faint. Can I get you a drink?"" ""No thanks, I've just had like 60 of those strawberry Capri Suns."""