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Joke of the Day

"""OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD!Damn these thin walls. Don't know if my neighbors are having sex, praying or having a coronary."

"Don't talk to me about your drinking problems until you've tried to make your cat wear your contact lenses because he looked a bit squinty."

"A programmer walks into a bar. Barman ask him if he wants ""beer or whiskey"", he responded ""yes"""

"How many /r/Jokes mods does it take to change a light bulb? [removed]"

"Genders are like political parties... There are many, but only 2 actually matter."

"I bet the hardest thing about being a gangsta rapper is never being able to really enjoy a scone in public."

"What's the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin? Zimmerman can dodge a bullet."

"I carry around a note in my wallet that says, ""The curse must be passed, I'm so sorry"" in case it's ever stolen."

"Score! I just landed my summer job for this year - working at the zoo, circumsizing elephants They said the hourly pay isn't great, but the tips are ENORMOUS!"

"What's the smallest thing in the universe? A pebble caught between the wrinkle of a flea's ball."