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Joke of the Day

"The police are looking for a thief with one eye Why don't they use two?"

"Have you heard about ISIS's new inflatable sex dolls They blow themselves up."

"I can tell a train has been through here recently... You know how I can tell? Cause there is its tracks."

"Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name."

"Genie: You have 3 wishes. I don't want to run into spiderwebs anymore. That's it.... I'm done. You can keep the other 2 wishes."

"[in bed] Her: *seductively whispering* in the mood for a midnight snack? Me: *Oreo crumbs all over my face* I'm way ahead of you"

"Currently on minute 137 of Easy~Bake Oven cupcakes. I'll be live Tweeting their status as they crisp up over the next day or two."

"Overheated some milk in a lab experiment today... ...and asked the teacher if it would affect the result. Her response? ""To a degree."""

"Nothing bums me out more than realizing how many celebrity baby names I know."

"Wanna hear a good joke? Woman's rights"