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Joke of the Day

"So I was sitting on the toilet this morning... ...and I look over and see this huge spider. It scared the shit out of me."

"Did you hear about the cow who gambled on an airplane? The steaks couldn't have been higher."

"What's a woman ideal husband? An archaeologist. The older she gets the more interested he becomes."

"This morning I found a fly on my toilet seat. ... It was pissed off."

"Happy Groundhog day, everyone!"

"I'd be more inclined to get in a stranger's van if he was offering free wifi instead of candy."

"Wine improves with age. I improve with wine."

"The only thing better than living a mundane, boring life is writing about it on the internet."

"What do you call a german who is afraid of enclosed spaces? Klaustrophobic"

"If I had a time machine I'd alter the Big Bang Theory pilot episode so all the characters exploded in the very first scene"