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Joke of the Day

"5 missed calls from my mom. Frantically called her back, expecting tragedy; nope, wallets are on sale at Kohl's."

"marrying ur high school sweetheart is like eating chicken tenders n being like ok cool im only eating chicken tenders the rest of my life"

"Help! I'm a fat man trapped in a skinny body!"

"According to my cousin's diploma, he graduated from an ""Institute of Fine Farts"" because I just made an adjustment to it with a sharpie."

"How flies does it take to screw in light bulb? Just two."

"Why cant a bicykle stand on its own? Because its two tired! *badum tiss*"

"Whats the difference between a coal mining company and the Catholic Church? A coal mining company puts miners in shafts not the other way around......."

"An elephant steps on an ant hill and one ant climbs up to the elephant's neck; the rest of the colony screams: STRANGLE HIM ROLUNT!!!"

"What was the Neo Nazi's favorite computer game? Mein Kraft"

"What is an Italian with Alzheimer's favorite espresso drink? Affogato!"