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Joke of the Day

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? None because feminists can't change anything..."

"Jehovah's witnesses are at my door. *Lights black candles, dons flowing dress, opens door, and says seductively, ""Are you the keymaster?""*"

"Oh, did my tweet insulting a celebrity upset you? Maybe you should tell them about it the next time you guys hang out."

"I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it's someone's birthday and I need to show respect."

"*knocks on bathroom stall wall* Forgive me father, for I have sinned. ""Huh? What?"" It's been 3 days since my last- [sound of diarrhea]"

"I was told if I got robbed when I was camping, it would invalidate my insurance... They said if my tent gets stolen, I'll no longer be covered."

"To Do List : 1: Buy 4 Pigs 2: Paint numbers 1,2,3 & 5 on their backs 3: Release them in Wal-Mart 4: Sit back watch Security search for #4"

"I'm an 'adult', so why do I dance a little and look around nervously when I find a $20 bill in my jeans I didn't know was there..."

"Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now heis walking around like a sour puss."

"[NSFW] Did I ever tell you guys about my idea for a line of sex toys marketed towards sleazy women? I'm calling it ""Toys for Thots."""