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Joke of the Day

"I love Instagram's new direct messaging feature because I've always thought, ""If only this picture of someone's dinner was just for me."""

"what do you call a baby donkey in spanish? a burrito."

"Not to brag, but I've satisfied every waitress that's ever served me... With just the tip."

"Teacher: Ants can lift things that are heavier than they are Kid: How can a thing be heavier than it is? T: No-[sees it's almost 3 pm] Magic"

"A Woman's tongue & Man's eye, will rest' only when they die."

"Did you hear what they found in Justin Bieber's urine sample? Marijuana, prescription pills, alcohol, and Flintstones vitamins"

"How do you stop a dog from barking in July? Shoot him in June."

"Why did Karl Marx always buy cheap tea? Because he believed that all proper tea was theft."

"(calling) 'Hey Boss, what's the difference between work and your daughter?' 'I'm not coming into work today'"

"Drag slicks are a lot like condoms... ...you don't really mind a broken one until you realize how expensive it's going to be."