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Joke of the Day

"The closest I've come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat."

"THERE IS A THIN LINE BETWEEN 911.. AND 9/11"

"I almost wish the guy I'm stalking would find me and call the cops. These bushes are scratchy and my legs are cramping."

"If you haven't woken up from a nap covered in stickers, did you even fall asleep while watching cartoons with your preschooler."

"Inflatable mattresses are great if you like your bed to slowly eat you."

"How do you get four old ladies to yell ""FUCK?"" Get one to yell ""BINGO!"""

"How does Thor's brother like to party? He likes to keep it pretty Lo-key"

"If I was a smart thief, do you know what I would rob? A book store."

"I still struggle daily with how Ed Hardy happened"

"Twitter is considering a 10,000-character limit for tweets. Well, there goes the neighborhood."