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Joke of the Day

"If you hear one of the high piano keys repeating slowly, you're either watching a trailer for a horror movie, or you are a parent."

"Did you hear about my time machine? I sold it next week"

"Why do java coders wear glasses? Because they don't C#"

"Hey, Chefs, you're making food. Not curing AIDS, Cancer or defusing a bomb. Settle the fuck down."

"How did Jared Fogel lose 60 pounds? He broke up with his girlfriend."

"What's the difference a teckel and the United Nations? There's none. They both have big hearts but a short reach."

"I have zero empathy for sociopaths. But to be fair, they don't have any for me, either."

"How did the emu feel when his friends disowned him for being too big? Ostrich-sized."

"The baby fell on the floor at breakfast this morning. Luckily, she landed butter side up, so the five second rule still applied."

"A very curious customer asked a local tomato farmer if their tomatoes are genetically modified. ""No."" Said the farmer ""No."" Said the tomato"