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Joke of the Day

"Why can't mexicans pass the border in groups of three? Because there's a sign that says No Tres-passing"

"What is a Dolphins favorite ingredient? All porpoise flour."

"A Polish guy goes to the eye doctor The doctor holds up a chart: K Z S Y X W K P G and asks the man if he can read it. ""Read it?"" he says, ""I *know* the guy!"""

"I was dating an analog synthesizer But I had to break it off. She was just continuously variable."

"What's brown and sticky? Chris Brown after each prison stay."

"It makes me sad that in this age of computers and video games, children will never understand what it's like to be raised by television."

"As a child, I wanted to be a psychologist. But my parents told me, ""We're a-Freud you're too Jung for that."""

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a light bulb? YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW, YOU WASN'T THERE!"

"*walks into bar with camera* Me: Can I take a shot of this glass? Bartender: Take a pitcher, it'll last longer"

"Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life."