51825

Joke of the Day

"Why do spies never use capitalization? They like to stay low-key."

"How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw em."

"I'm going back to my surgeon to get my dressing changed tomorrow. Or, to put it another way... I'm seeking redress from the man who cut me."

"Who's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken"

"Do you file your nails? I throw mine away. -Dean Martin"

"I have invented a new game. You lock yourself and 9 other friends in a house that has 2 bathrooms. You all then take a load of laxative and fight over the toilets. I call it 'Game Of Thrones'"

"Did you hear about the neckbeards that raped the killer clown? They did it, Reddit."

"I live in upstate New York You know, normally I'd say ""Fuck the Weather"", but these days, I'm pretty sure it's way under 18."

"If he hurts you, cry a river and then drown him in it."

"You're like pizza at a Chinese buffet. I ain't feeling you but I see you over there, doing you, and I respect that."