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Joke of the Day

"A kitchen joke. Why was the cutting board? The knife was really dull"

"Why was the deaf man sighing and shaking his head in disgust when he looked over at his next door neighbour? Because she was *airing her dirty laundry*!!!"

"I wear a ski mask to bed so if there's a home invasion the intruder will think I'm part of the team."

"I was in the confessional booth today and I asked the priest if he thought it might be a good idea to stop masturbating. He said ""Sure, if it bothers you, I'll stop."""

"I've been married to my wife for 27 years but it feels like 27 minutes. ...under water"

"I bet Metallica gets really upset whenever they walk through a metal detector and it doesn't go off."

"I just crashed into the back of a dwarf driver.... He gets out of the car inspects the rear bumper and goes up my window. ""I'm not happy"" he said ""well which one are you then?"""

"Calm the fuck down, Nutrition Facts labels on bottled water."

"My son asked me what it's like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me."

"Whats a ducks favourite type of sex? [OC] Pondage"