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Joke of the Day

"Job interview with Al-Qaeda Had a job interview with Al-Qaeda today. ""Where do you see yourself exploding in five years? "", they asked."

"What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run! She has a grenade in her mouth!"

"I got irradiated recently... I like to think it adds to my glowing personality."

"I rang the wife last night after work to say I'd pick up fish and chips on the way home. I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins."

"You know what's the ultimate form of rejection? When your hand goes to sleep while you're masturbating."

"Why can't dyslexics tell jokes? They always punch up the fuckline."

"I'm thinking about opening a sports themed strip club. Gonna call it The Press Box."

"I've heard making the perfect salad can be pretty difficult... Not exactly **rocket** science though, is it?"

"Once in a lifetime holiday ""I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."" -Tim Vine"

"[prison riot] me: here comes the tickle monster!! [gets stabbed 100 times]"