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Joke of the Day

"If a pregnant friend tells you what the kid's name will be just whisper ""AND THE DARK LORD'S PROPHECY WILL BE FULFILLED."" They love that."

"Cavemen were smarter than we think. Do you know why cavemen dragged their women around by the hair? It was so they wouldn't fill up with rocks."

"Did you see the movie about oil and water? It's immiscible."

"I knew a guy who was into sadism, necrophilia, and beastiality... But he gave it up cause at the end of the day, he was just beating a dead horse."

"A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says... ""Why the long face?"" The horse says, ""My wife was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer."" The bartender says, ""Holy shit! A talking horse!"""

"[takes a massive shit on a bird in the park] See? Not nice, is it?"

"IF SEAL IS BROKEN, PLEASE NOTIFY ZOOKEEPER IMMEDIATELY"

"What does a confused student at Hogwarts study? Which craft?"

"If I learned anything from Peter Pan, it's that I can leave my dog to watch my kids while I go out and party."

"What does Hillary Clinton say when she's unhappy at a restaurant? Can I have a different server?"