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Joke of the Day

"GF says my bike helmet looks ridiculous, but I'd rather be ""uncool"" than fall and crack my head open in the middle of having sex."

"How do you know if your girlfriend is too young? you have to make aeroplane noises to stick you dick in her mouth!"

"What are Hillary Clinton's favorite shoes? Platform Flip flops !"

"That's nice that you're a Christian now. Could you maybe be a Christian a little quieter?"

"I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it. I returned it. Now where to spend my $608?"

"[doorbell] ""Sir, do you believe Jesus died for your sins?"" ""No."" ""Why not?"" ""He died like 2000 years ago."" ""So?"" ""I'm 46. Do the math."""

"Doctor: How did you get all those bruises? Me: Rough sex Doctor: That looks unhealthy and should stop Me: Talk to your nurse about that"

"Your mama is so fat..... Your daddy proposed to her with an onion ring."

"This is the most offensive joke I know What's the best part about having sex with a six year old? Watching her fall apart on the witness stand."

"You remember when you were a kid, you had tons of fun blowing bubbles in the bathtub? I saw Bubbles the other day, he told me to say ""Hi!""."