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Joke of the Day

"All day people keep mentioning the new 20 dollar bills I check my wallet everytime somebody mentions it and mine are all still Jackson."

"Bury it... ...it's my dad's 'dead joke'."

"The first year I didn't eat Thanksgiving leftovers on the day after. I quit cold turkey."

"Whenever you go to do something, bring a hammer and a screwdriver... the first time it doesn't work, hit it with a hammer. If it doesn't work after that, screw it."

"What did the grape say after the elephant stepped on him? Nothing, he just let out a little whine."

"Why are females so moody when they're on their period? It's an ovary action."

"Why is pulling out 100% effective for superman? They never survive the 1000ft fall to earth. (Thanks Drawn Together)"

"Human Beings get rich as they grow old Silver in Hair; Gold in Teeth; Sugar in Blood; Precious Stones in Kidneys; . And a never ending supply of Gas!"

"George Washington's bark was from the same tree as his bite."

"what gets uglier the more you watch it? yo momma stripping"