49877

Joke of the Day

"Tom Cruise's nickname in between the sheets Cruise missile."

"texting and driving is dangerous because u might accidentally text the lips emoji to your boss"

"My daughter wanted me to treat her like a princess So I let her get stolen by a giant, mutant turtle."

"""There are only 2 four letter words that are offensive to me - Don't and Stop.....unless they are used together..."""

"What do a cue ball and a mexican have in common? The harder you hit them, the more English you get out of them."

"Due to Michael Jackson's passing..."

"I learned how to yodel -Knock knock. --Who's there? -Yoda lady. --Yoda lady who? -Good job yodeling!"

"I had to ground my 8yo son for this one [NSFW] Son: Dad, why do you have to wrap a bunny in duct tape? Me: I don't know son, why? Son: So it doesn't explode when you fuck it! Me: Son: ( )"

"I thought I had a brain tumor but then I realized it was all in my head."

"What's the difference between a cow and 9/11? In the US you can't milk a cow for 14 years."